Cat Project Archives for March 6-10,
6, 2017 - "I think I'll come back as a cat." -
Gratuitous Kute Kittiness: "Winter better be going."
Mewvie: Cat torture.
Feline Art: "Three
by Louise Lacourse.
the cat goes missing.
by Adam Golightly
Something is wrong. “Is Harry in?” I don’t claim a
sixth sense but, with no rational reason, I have arrived home and am
immediately fearful for Harry, Helen’s humongous Siberian cat. “As
we left for Matt’s music lesson, Harry headed into the garden,” replies
Helen’s sister Sarah, who helps on Mondays, bringing her sibling’s
joy and values to the kids. I peer out into the darkness with inexplicable
Once, when Millie was three months old, I left her in her pram at a post
office. The further I walked, the greater the grip of ill-defined but
icy unease. Back at the car, this became a double-handed yank of manic
panic as the empty straps of her car seat shouted, “You’re
a dad now, dickhead.” I sprinted back pursued by hellish visions
of loss and calamity that might befall my abandoned baby. She was fine
and I’ve been lucky not to feel that same cold touch since; until
now. I run into the garden, shrilly screaming, “Harry, Harry, Harreeeeee”,
like a tweeny Potter fan on premiere night.
Harry should be in the garden. He always is. Not wanting him lost, run
over or stolen, when Helen’s kitten arrived a few months before
she died, I bought a cat fence. There is a radio wire encircling the
garden that sends a signal to his collar if he tries to escape, which
buzzes ever louder before delivering a small static shock. Like a Pavlov’s
pussy, he backs away at the first buzz, thwarted but unharmed.
“Dogs are a five on the shock setting but cats must be 10 – they
see a squirrel and go!” warned the salesman. I had visions of a cartoon
cat with fur on end but, in practice, it seems less cruel than him being run
over or nicked. It is not just for his sake, but I fear terribly telling the
children that Harry has gone. He is the ersatz fourth family member and a lovely
living reminder that their mum was once here too.
So Harry is free to roam our roomy garden with its hidey-hole bushes,
trees to climb and wildlife to terrorise, gloriously ignoring the seller’s, “Must
be a house cat, Mr Golightly.” Outside, he is slightly feral – wrapping
his front legs around grey squirrels, dispatching them with raw paw-power.
Luckily, around the house, Harry is, in every sense, a pussycat.
And now there he is, mewing unhappily in a neighbour’s garden after
taking a treetop escape route, newly accessible now that his increasing
size allows him to leap greater distances. The wire’s signal meant
he couldn’t then return; so, collarless, he is now heading home
in the arms of an ecstatic Millie and Matt. I follow, almost mute with
relief, barely yelping when his collar, safely tucked in my rain-dampened
pocket, zaps my arse as I walk too close to the fence.
“Dad, you didn’t need to panic!” lectures Matt. He’s
right. But after a lifetime of longing for a cat, Helen found in Harry the magical
one she wasn’t allergic to, and maybe the intensity of her love for him
has made mine that much greater.
However, Harry’s sphere of influence extends outside his wire-fenced
prison garden. He is an outstanding online dating asset, flattering by
association the middle-aged schmuck who feeds him. Almost all my matches “like
cats”, and Harry inspires easy banter. Some are chaste, knowledgable
observations, “Oh, he’s blue eyed. That must mean he’s
from the Neva river”; others are baser wordplay in a fun way, which
Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served? would enjoy – she of, “Oh,
look! It’s a diamanté collar for my pussy.”
Harry is also unafraid to pass judgment on people, to the dismay of lovely
local Katie, a smart, kind, sexy date who likes kids, cats and me. Instead
of Harry’s “love me” tummy roll, Katie was greeted
by an appalling caterwaul and carpet-claw action. Maybe she had a squirrel
stuffed in her handbag; whatever, it was hard not to sense deep disapproval
and things somehow ground to a halt between us.
Looking now into Harry’s eyes, I see something mystical. I really
do. Crazy cat man or weird widower in need of urgent treatment? Harry
would probably suggest shock therapy.
7, 2017 - "Actually, cats do this to protect you from
gnomes who come and steal your breath while you sleep." -
Gratuitous Kittiness: The more cats the better, right? Right?
Mewvie: That's one ballsy cat.
Feline Art: Artist unknown.
8, 2017 - "Cats are intended to teach us that not
everything in nature has a purpose."
- Garrison Keillor
Gratuitous Kittiness: Wedge issue kitten.
Mewvie: Swan dive kitty.
Art: "Cat Hair"by Casey Weldon.
any doodle into a cat.
by Mike Wehner
Everyone knows that the internet loves cats in all shapes and sizes,
but a new web tool is testing the limits of just how hideous a cat can
be before we throw our arms up in disgust. It’s a machine learning
experiment called Edges2cats,
and it can produce some truly hideous monstrosities the likes of which
you’ve never even dreamed of. It’s also an incredibly fun
time waster, so let’s dive in.
Built by Christopher Hesse, the tool utilizes Google’s machine
learning software library TensorFlow. All you have to do is draw a doodle
in a plain white box and let the machine attempt to turn it into a cat.
The algorithm was trained using “about 2,000 stock cat photos” and
pulls from its knowledge base to fill in the lines with what it thinks
makes up a cat.
The beauty of the tool is that you can draw quite literally anything,
and once the computer brain is done getting all artsy you’ll get
something either totally adorable or absolutely disturbing. Most of the
time, the computer does a really fantastic job making the creature you
drew look like a believable animal, but sometimes things just don’t
Hesse has used the machine learning library to make a few other cool
drawing tools as well, including ones that create building facades, shoes,
and handbags, but it’s clear that the cat creation tool is the
most hilarious and frightening. Just remember, you can’t unsee.
9, 2017 - "I have studied many philosophers and many
cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." -
Gratuitous Kittiness: King of the Floof.
Mewvie: "Fuckin' tiger!"
Feline Art: "Five Cats" by Louise LaCourse.
10, 2017 - "Everything I know I learned from my cat:
When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam.
When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner." - Gary
Gratuitous Kittiness: "I heart naps."
Mewvie: German cat commercial.
Feline Art: "Smokey" by Amy Giacomelli.
shares the grief of lost cat.
Two weeks ago, a cat named Bear sadly passed away, leaving his owners
Bear was a playful boy who spent most of his time with his brother, Teddy.
They loved to go on adventures and run around with each other – and
apparently, they also liked to visit their friend, too.
Bear’s owners didn’t realise, but this friend was actually
their neighbour, who had grown to become very fond of both cats.
While the couple were still in mourning, they came to find a note attached
to Teddy’s collar one day – and that’s when they realised
the special friendship the cats had made with their neighbour.
The note reads: ‘Dear Owner; I’m your neighbour, living in
4. I’m also your cats’ close friends as they (2 cats) are
used to coming to my room everyday.
‘But one of them, a bigger one has disappeared for two weeks. Is he ok?
I’m so worried about him. He is so lovely cat and always touched my heart.
Wish he is fine. – Y.T. 2/March/2017.’
Bear’s owner, Reddit user @TravUK, posted the note online, and
told Reddit users that he responded to his neighbour.
He said: ‘We posted a letter back into number 4, saying that our
other cat had passed away. We also included our email address.’
But that wasn’t the end of the conversation.
When they woke up the next morning, they received a lengthy email from
the neighbor, a Taiwanese exchange student, explaining how she loved
her time with their cats, especially Bear.
A portion of the email read:
"Bear is so important friend for me. We met in Oct. 2015 when Teddy and
Bear came to our garden and stood in front of my room (my room is facing the
back garden). I remember I was writing my thesis, suddenly, they just came out
and were looking at me. They were just like my supervisor at that time. Our friendship
began so funny. After that day we met, they came and played in our house everyday.
Also my housemates know these cat brothers.
It still remains a question about Bear. I am not sure why he came to
my room EVERYDAY after we met for just sleeping on my sofa for a whole
afternoon. Sometimes, he slept all the time in afternoon and then went
out for a while and then went back again and slept on my sofa until midnight.
His snoring always keeping me awake for helping me focused on my work.
Bear is so touching and talkative. He always talked something that I
could feel he tried to say. He was just like an angel for me. He was
a good listener when I needed a “person” to help me for rehearsing
my presentation. He was my best friend even we couldn’t speak in
English. But he entirely touched my heart. I miss him so much. I have
a lot of stories about him to say. But I’m so sorry at this moment
that I cannot keep a clear mind to write properly."
@TravUK updated his Reddit page to let those following the story know
that since receiving the email, he has met with his neighbour, who has
also visited Bear at his grave in the garden and placed some flowers
where he was buried.
He said: ‘Makes you proud that he could brighten up more than just
my household’s lives.’