Pet Owner Seeks Perfect Adopter
wanted a pet, so I got one. But I am tired of taking care of
it, and paying for it. I might even be moving, in which case
I would have to pay a pet deposit or spend an extra 30 seconds
planning how to take along my pet. Maybe I decided to have
a baby or get a boyfriend (or girlfriend). Anyhow, I don't
want my pet anymore. Oh wait, that sounds every bit as selfish
as I am. I mean, I can't keep my pet. Yeah, that's it. Oh allergies-
YES, I suddenly got allergies. No one will question that.
Now about my pet. I've had it since it was a kitten (or pup, or egg if
reptilian) and now it's middle aged, the age NO ONE wants to adopt, but
didn't you see- I need someone to take care of it.
Anyhow, since this process will be very upsetting for my formerly precious
pet (and because I may feel an inkling of guilt) I want the adopter to
give it a home where there are no other pets, so it doesn't have to share
your affections (even though I've been ignoring it for months). Now let
me tell you how sweet, lovable, and darling he/she is. Also, allow me
to fail to mention that he/she has a urination issue when scared, or
he/she eat sofas, etc.
Oh, and I think you should pay a fee to show you're capable of buying
cat food. And plus I spent money on it 8 years ago and heck I can get
a few boxes of diapers for the baby with that cash.
Besides, everyone knows that you can tell a person who's taking your
pet to be a test lab subject by whether or not they'll shell out $50.
If my pet is purebred, I will likely try to charge you hundreds. Because
I spend hundreds and this is a very valuable pet. I just don't want it
anymore. But YOU should want it enough to help me recoup my original
Now, I hope you'll take it right to the vet, because he/she is behind
on shots. And was never spayed/neutered. And make sure it gets premium
food and all the things it deserves, but I am too selfish to even continue
to care for it. And remember, this is a commitment- you better not take
it and then change your mind ever because only I can do that. Now that
I dumped him/her on you, he/she is too traumatized to ever face that
Last of all, I will now close by telling you that I need this person
who takes over my responsibility to come along quickly, because otherwise
I *may* have to take him/her to the pound. I probably won't, but that
threat is sure to scare someone into hurrying up and taking over my responsibility.